1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
