I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need to align my fucking chakras
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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