I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
