I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
