It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
