I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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