if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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