its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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