There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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