words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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