Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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