I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
