great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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