Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
