just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
