Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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