he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
