While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
