Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
