They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
