I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
