I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
