I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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