So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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