Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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