Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
whose parrot is this?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
