I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
