Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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