so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
