I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
50% drunk capacity currently
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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