She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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