Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
