thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
