I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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