Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
