Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
