i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
