everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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