I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
