she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
