I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
