He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
