You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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