I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's just like the Real World with babies
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
