I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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