Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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