Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish i was in the wii world.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
