So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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