areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
