Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
