I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
