Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pappa wants mamma naked
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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