The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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