I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
