Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
