What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize