How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
