why didn't you poke me back
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
