I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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