I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
