i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
