Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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