if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ok first of all what the fuck
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
