It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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