Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
