They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
