new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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