I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
there is puke in my bra ... again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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