It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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