so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
