it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
