it wasn't lemon gatorade
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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